Of Plans and Progress

I thought of planning for the week ahead. 

Get started with grooming Progress, 

like I should have done years ago. 

For all these years have gone by, 

trying to contrive situations that justify 

a fruitless living, in a bubble of my own making, 

filled with half-hearted desires, 

crippling denials and banal ego trips. 

Over these years, I’ve led my conscience 

to believe that I’m this version of myself; 

a diligent, intelligent, measured, 

and emotionally present being, 

lost in the complexities of this experience 

of becoming an erudite self. 

But how long can I keep up romanticizing 

Just another facade reinforced by the past? 

I’ve known the limits of my boorish charade. 

It lacks the grace to overwhelm 

the uneasy gaze of quiet retrospects. 

Yet, every time I’ve made an effort 

to come to this sober realization, 

I’ve quickly regressed back into 

the comforts of my nonchalance. 

This endless loop of my own making.